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Soon..
New Things for Old Minds
Okay. That's it. This site is finished. For the time being, it will remain up and look for my new sites! (Heteros beware-- some things said may offend you!)
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Semi-Regular Musings
What is a musing, you ask? A musing is a deep thought, a look at the proverbial jam of life. Semi-regularly I will offer you one of my musings, like I said, semi-regularly. I'm not the most regular of people. So, here we go, let the musing begin (In case you haven't noticed, I've changed it so the newest ones are at the top. For all you lazy bastards out there.)
03/04/02, "Sure, Picasso did it, but should you? No."
Well, it seems that someone did finally rip my idea off. I've been around for what seems like forever (slowly creeping up to the one year mark, actually) and this site hasn't changed much. I don't have anything to show for my seniority besides... seniority. This page, it seems, will never change. I will never get around to publishing the new site (which sits idlely by on my computer at home and stares at me with puppy dog eyes whenever I open it.).... I will never start the online comic I want to. I will never get to climb Mount Everest--- not that I wanted to.
Let's face it people, that day of the reader is upon us. You're all going to rise above me and tower, crushing my seniority in one blow. However, it would be nice if you threw me the occasional credit to your success or added me to the links.
AH! Who needs you? All this sappiness is bad for the rheumatis, I don't need you! Go on and be funny, I'll just be a bitch for a living.
02/29/02, "Can we just laugh?"
Listen, I have no witty or urbane remarks today (Today? When do you ever have witty or urbane remarks, you say.). I have no sarcastic comments. Just read;
Kevin Costner's latest movie.
Read that and please, laugh. The man had two hits in the early nineties and then the rest have been crap. When is he going to give it up? Seriously. Maybe if we all laugh hard enough his movie's will fade out of existence.
I love it when I don't have to make things funny
02/28/02, "Who's the fool now? or 'Brainy McGee'"
Hah! I have no clue if I should write anything, or just babble incoherently like I always do. I'm going to opt for babbling incoherently.
Perhaps, one of these days, my readers will realize how funny they are and band together, thus starting their own site and taking me down in the process...
now, should I erase that paragraph or let it linger and let the readers get ideas. Naw, they read this don't they? They won't get any ideas. By the time you finish reading this, your brain will be in such a knot, you won't even know where you are!
Hah ha! Who's the smart one now? Try to start a rebellion on me? Oh no. I will be the only one who muses... unless you guys really do take me down by starting a better, more successful site.... please don't? I'm the fool! I'm not the smart one!!!
That last musing made no sense whatsoever. See what mornings do to people? SEE???
01/29/02, "My dirty little secret"
From the title, I obviously have a secret. Yes. A dirty one. Something I have refused to talk about until now... so it begins.
It all started when I was innocently watching the "Co-nan O'Brien" late one night, and I wasn't tired after he ended. Instead of the usual SCTV rebroadcast, there was a cacophony of horns and then the smooth voice of Carson Daly. The Carson Daly that I've mocked for years upon years. He's an MTV tool. Well... I watched the show. It was awesome. I fell in love with it, and the calming effect Carson had over me. Soon, I was watching the likes of Alicia Keys and Tenacious D every night. And I still am.
I realize, I'm not the key demographic here. The key demographic is 10-15 with him... but they've all gone to bed. So only us night-hawks are left to witness the marvel of Carson and his departure from the poplife. His slick, laid back sense of humour and style. Confident, yet not. Far off from Conan's self-deprecating style.
I was writing a musing at the beginning of the year, commenting on this show. Insulting it beyond my years... and now, look at me. I'm praising Carson Daly! The tool from MTV-- the conformist channel.
Where am I going in this crazy world?
side note- I'm continuing to muse fairly regularly-- but I still want to get a new site up someday... someday.
11/26/01, "DiaD"
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Does anyone even come here anymore? No. I think the last person that visited it was... was there a last person that visited here?
Not even my server cares. They've realized no one is offended by my site because no one comes so they've stopped threatening me. I miss that.
For all anyone cares, I'm lying Dead in a Ditch (Which would make for a cool band name..).
Or maybe, when you read this, my corpse has already decayed. If anyone reads this. Basically, posting anything on here with hope of someone reading it is like throwing a message in a bottle out to the ocean. Actually, there's a better chance of someone reading the message in the bottle.
So it seems, I'm only talking to myself nowadays. I don't know why I bother, but I do. So, I'll continue on. Unless of course.. I'm DiaD.
11/12/01, "I'm a loser but I'm Indie Rock, so who cares."
Let's talk about the truth. The truth can hurt sometimes. Mostly it hurts the person that tells the truth. Hurts them physically. Especially if they lie to a psycho chick and then tell the truth. Usually they're found buried in a field with the scarecrow stuck through their chest.
Then, if the truth-teller has survived this, they have to think about what they've done. And they live in hibernation loner state.
Never the tell the girl you really like's best friend that you like her. You'll lose all of your friends and any hope of romance for the next 365 days. And then live in denial for the next year and say that you're indie rock and you don't need anyone. And then, they'll just be lying to themselves and they'll tell themselves that they're cool and no matter what, Indie rocks. Which is a lie. Indie rockers are loser, and Chris has hit indie rock bottom.
However, I'm still indie rock cool, because indie rocks. Denial isn't just a river in egypt.
10/11/01, "The Insider."
Okay. I am forced to discuss a topic I've never wanted to. Inside jokes. I admit, most of my conversations with certain friends revolve solely around inside jokes. A little sad. What's even sadder? There are so many inside jokes in each and every musing and no one, not even my closest friends, can spot or understand them until I show them. That's right. There are more inside jokes than you can cram down a monkey's throat [and out his five asses].
I'm the only one who gets all them and I laugh. I laugh, but not at you... at Gungholio (INSIDE JOKE!). However, I could do that everytime I make an inside joke.... nawwww.
I'm lazier than all of you combined. HAH!
10/6/01, "Backseat Anarchist."
Okay. I hate not having the Internet. That's right. I don't have the internet. Now, I know you're asking, how can I run such a successful website and not have the internet? As I've said before, I am Indie and Indie folk do not have the Internet because "the man" is watching.
I remember in Grade Nine I did a "Political" pottery piece. It was a pair of legs with a half man/ half dog on a leash near a water dish. The legs were "The Man" and the dog was "The Rest of Them". It was... cute. Okay, so I'm not a very good anarchist.
Hm. I am what you would say, a Backseat Anarchist. I don't act on my "beliefs" but I do think what I think is right. Besides, Backseat Anarchist would be a cool name for a band [You have permission to start a band under that name, giving me credit.]
Why am I talking about anarchy? Because The Man doesn't want me to! So, don't think about what I just said [it wouldn't make sense, anyway]... think for yourself (coz I won't be there for you...).
10/1/01, "Lack of or too much of?"
....I really have nothing to bitch about at the moment. I know, I know. You're probably shocked right now. Oh, wait. I feel a bitching coming on!
Some people say I'm too fickle. Or for all of you lay-men (or women) out there, I change my mind to often. It's not true! Oh... maybe it is.... nuh uh!
The reason for this? Simply because in one ...musing... I glorified gay men and in another I slandered them. Well, them's the breaks and if I want to trash someone I will. If I want to glorify them unnecassarily, I will! IF I WANT TO WRITE POLITICAL PIECES THAT WILL NEVER GET POSTED BECAUSE I WOULD GET KICKED OFF MY SERVER, I WILL!
Thank you and good night. Or maybe it's day?
9/27/01, "Funny is NOT a state of mind."
Sometimes I think people wonder how I got to be so humorous. I always have a witty remark to answer their question.
Finally, I am able to tell the truth. I sold my soul to Satan. I say this, because I feel I was severely ripped off. I don't even laugh at myself anymore (and I've stopped looking in mirrors too) and I used to find myself hilarious. Was my soul really that worthless?
So now, I have to spend an eternity in pain and torment... and then, maybe, go to hell (or Hades). Because damnit, funny people NEVER die. Mel Brooks is,what? I swear, he's crawled out of the primordial ooze.
Also, I'm indie and "funny". Don't ask me how this happened. I'm supposed to be... well, indie. And indie I am. But the two are non-complimentary. Or are they? Who knows.
I live with my painful affliction every day. Maybe you can too.
^ LOOK IT'S THE HORIZONTAL RULE!!!^
9/15/01, "...Not as heartless as everyone thinks."
Well, we all know what happened on the eleventh. Unless of course you've been living on Mars, in a cave with your eyes and ears covered. Then I have to wonder how you're reading this at all.
I do believe that the US of A will pull through and if I wasn't an Atheist, I'd give them a nice, hearty "God Bless." Too bad that I am.
Well, good luck then, hmm?
9/4/01, "Hair today, hair tomorrow."
Recently I chopped off my hair. And by chop, I mean style.
I think my friend was more freaked out about than I was (she's even gone so far as to call me a murderer...) and you know, at first I was freaked out.
For years upon years my hair has been fairly long. So, getting it cut above my shoulders was a big deal. When that bastard Englishman started taking off long hunks of hair, I started panicking.
Then I started wondering if my hairdresser was gay or straight. That didn't last long. Are there really any straight, male hairdressers out there? Just saying that is funny. Say it with me; straight, male hairdresser. Hehe.
Anyway, while he chopped, I stared and then went into ultimate blonde mode (no thinking whatsoever. Things actually die in my brain when I do this.)
So, when I got home and loosened up, I realized, "Dude! I have fingers!" and then I realized, "This isn't so bad."
So, anyway, I think the important fact here is that we all have fingers. Most of us anyway.
8/18/01, "Just stop fucking it and understanding will come."
I get way too many complaints from guys that women are "too hard to figure it out". Here's the way I see it. Guys complain because they are naturally pansies. Guys who don't complain aren't. The only guys who don't complain about not understanding women? Gay men. Muse about it.
Anywho, I think that in the beginning, everyone was straight and women were still confusing. A few guys got together one day and went; "Oooga, ohga, booga" [translation: Women are fucked up and I can't understand them, let's have sex together. (Notice how little they needed to convey so much.)] and that they did.
But does anyone notice how gay men understand women perfectly? After they stopped fucking women, they understood them.
So, really, my advice to a straight man who wants to understand women is; Become gay!
Then again, maybe straight men are still too dumb to figure it out.
If I have offended any straight men with this musing.. HAH! Suck on it you pansies. Also, I doubt this is historically accurate, but this is from a chick who thinks Speed Racer still the hip thing.
6/20/01, "[Insert Musing Title Here]"
Some days you just feel damn useless. Damn, damn useless. Just so useless. Useless, useless, utterly and hopelessly useless. So useless it hurts. Hurts, hurts, hurt because you are just so useless, useless, so totally useless that you are no more than a blob. You are just useless.
Apparently today was one of those days.
6/4/01, "Polite is not a known word."
You know, the world is very cyncical nowadays. And I'm afraid, usually I'm a victim as well, comedy stems from insulting people. Just today I insulted someone--possibly because he insinuated... no, flat-out said, I was inbred. Now, I know, I know, talk it out. But I say; "Screw that shit, down with all the assholes to create a better tomorrow!" and then I raised my fist and my mob of people raised their fists and we went onward to smite all the platypi hating bastards. And we bludgeoned them to death with the evil Mountain Dew cans.
That's where the whole me being inbred thing started, because I insulted Mountain Dew. Just because I said I'd rather drink diesel fuel and/or Crab Juice instead of Mountain Dew? Yeesh, people really are terrible cynical. And on Canada day, I might as well just dropped bricks on my body, because mosh pits are so insane. People have no respect! You know, if you're going to start a fight and punch someone, can't you at least say 'please'?
Oh yes, I know I'm not American (Thank the Lord.. okay, all Americans may burn me at the stake now. It's really a lovely country, but I do love my country more.)
Happy Fourth of July... Paul Revere is back from the dead and doing the hustle!
5/26/01, "What comes around goes around."
We all know the type of people that send you those damn annoying chainletters. Most are titled; "If you're my friend you'll send it back.". After getting five hundred of these from the same person, no I don't send it back, why encourage them? We aren't friends, I'm not friends with annoying people. If you want to send me chainletters, go ahead, just let me send you a letterbomb and we'll be even.
5/26/01,"Free my Ass"
Today is the day of the first musing. Albeit, a fairly crappy day, but somewhat important.
It began when I was searching for a domain name. I wonder, why do they offer completely free hosting and then charge you? I went to several of these sites and was severely ripped off. I only wanted a site, not a greencard.
So, why do people do this? So they bait you in, make you fill out the forms, and when these organizations have what they need, expect flaming bags of crap on your doorstep anyday.
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